Yesterday was my birthday! I was going to do a post on 20 things I learned while being 20 but the most important thing I've learned is this, which a couple of years ago it would have taken great confidence to post. I know that posting it now isn't even necessary, but yesterday marked twenty-one years in my body- 21 years of climbing, walking, dancing, bruising, breathing, bathing, tripping up, grazing, resting, running, stretching, travelling place to place with this old skin machine (that sounds gross haha) that is entirely my own.
I sometimes wonder if I could see every bruise that's ever been on my skin, what would I look like? Would I be covered in them? What about every kiss? Which places on my skin have never been bumped or bruised or kissed? I've been through an awful lot with this body, it's been the vessel which has walked me across different countries and been well enough to let me wake up, carry on living every day.
It's not always been a smooth ride, growing up countless times I shamed and hated my body, hid it and didn't treat it how it should have been treated but there's also been times where I've cared for it, eaten great food for the sake of it, tended to cuts, spots and tattoos, bathed it, making sure that it was well.
We don't cut our bodies enough slack. Think about where your body has been. Has it taken you up mountains? Have you used your arms to fix something important or make a snowman? How many instruments have your hands touched, pencils has it let you create with? I'm so lucky to be fully able (minus the times when my asthma is really bad) and it's about time I showed gratitude for that.
Loving your body isn't always about liking what you see, it's about loving it enough to eat food that nourishes you (and eat enough of it)! Going vegan was an awesome thing to do for my body, not counting calories or fats, just knowing that what I was eating is good for me. It's also about giving your body time to heal and not pushing it too far.
Something that I learned in the worst parts of my mind-body relationship was to treat yourself how you'd treat your best friend.
In 2012 I went into anaphylactic shock because of something I think I had eaten and remember just not being able to breathe properly, convulsing on a bed in the emergency room. Even now sometimes I get the paranoia that it's going to happen again, even when I've not so much as touched anything I'm allergic to! Thankfully, my body was well enough to pull me through that and deal with what had happened pretty quickly (thanks babe).
A few weeks ago I lay in a swimming pool of salt water on my back. I felt so lucky and relaxed there, so glad and amazed that physics allowed me to be so still, effortlessly floating for as long as my body wanted.
I water plants with my hands, hold my nephew and pet my dog with these hands, I cook with my hands, my feet take me everywhere. These arms let me hug and express myself in ways I couldn't without them. One day, maybe, my body will have another human inside. How crazy is that?! My body will be able to cope with a whole other life source inside of it!
Before that, I hope to travel a LOT and stuff my brain full of incredible experiences.
Too many years of our lives are spent in disagreement with our bodies when really, it shouldn't matter what we look like as long as we are given the opportunity of a new day every time we wake up. 21 years inside this body that isn't a prison but a home that I'm blessed to own. :)
If you're still in a turbulent relationship with your body, try thinking of the little things that make it yours, appreciate your freckles and scars as if they belonged to someone else. Something that I learned in the worst parts of my mind-body relationship was to treat yourself how you'd treat your best friend.
Would you tell them they were ugly or fat, would you put them in front of a mirror only to scrutinise every curve, bone or spot or would you accept them for who they are and love them like they deserve? Time is the best aid to becoming comfortable, just practice the thought that your body is to be cherished as you would someone else's. Stray from poisonous things- notice if a certain social media account makes you feel guilty or bad about your body and cut ties with negativity, focus your attention on parts of yourself that you love.
I have bad days too! My skin gets bad, I get bloated on my period, I notice new stretch marks or freckles every day. Changing your mind takes time!
Hopefully I'll continue to get stronger and happier, 21 is a good age to be! Documenting feelings like this might be valuable to me in the future, who knows. ♥ Happy b-day to meeeeee
How do you feel about your body? Do you think your relationship with your body has gotten better as you get older?
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